I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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