Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
