Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
