I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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