somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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