We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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