OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
