It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
