somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize