She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize