How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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