I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
