Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My liver just broke up with me...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
