I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
