pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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