Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
