I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
