I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
