all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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