I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
