Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
