it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize