I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
