Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
