tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
