she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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