remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
