Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
