It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
