I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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