Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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