The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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