Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize