And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize