I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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