she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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