Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize