I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
