Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
