Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
