We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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