Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
