i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
