I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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