i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
