I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
