There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
