Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
