Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
