I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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