How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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