she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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