Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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