Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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