god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
