please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
