My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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