I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
