Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
should my penis look like a turkey
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize