So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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