i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize