Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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