remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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