Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
