just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
