Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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