The maid of honor just puked.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
