what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
