STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
