hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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