Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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