failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
