So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
