You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
