I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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