Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
