you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
