Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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