Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
