Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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