I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I intend to get homeless drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
