the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
