We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
