Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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