Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
