Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
