it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
