I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
