I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need a beard to bite.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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