Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
