And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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