I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
