dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
