8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
