im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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