i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
