if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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