I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize