By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize