Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
