Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
