Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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