y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
