the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize