Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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