woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
