Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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