Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
