I saw his package. It spoke to me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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