some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
