so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize