That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
