so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
