Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
