If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
