I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
