And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize