So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
