To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
